19 hours ago
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
And that's a wrap for 2014!
We're just coming off another ten day road trip and I've been sick since before it started, so I thought a photo of a somewhat gloomy day near some river in Iowa would be just perfect for this post.
I think my biggest problem is that I tore my calf muscle on November 25th. This accident/injury has practically ruined my life since then because I have been banned from all exercise. I consulted two doctors. They looked at me like I was an idiot. I even got a nurse to sort of go to bat for me and ask about maybe treading water in a pool and they said, "No!" Yeah, maybe I coulda pushed it a little, but here's the thing--I do NOT want to prolong my healing. I'm not taking any chances of re-injuring this thing. I haven't complained much at all, not publicly and not privately, but this is a huge trial for me so I thought I would have a weak moment and just spill it here.
When a person has developed a habit of exercising six days a week (minimum) for a minimum of thirty-six minutes each day...and manages to keep (fight for) this habit for 67 WEEKS and two days...being told you can't exercise sort of sends you into the grieving process. I know I don't LOOK like your typical gym rat, but that time each day was really special/important/therapeutic/empowering/strengthening/lifting/EVERYTHING? to me!!! I miss it so much. Sob!
And because of the holidays, and other factors beyond my control, I can't even be evaluated by the physical therapist until the 7th! I bawled at my desk at school the afternoon I hung up with their office and noted the date in my calendar. And the night before we left for Christmas, my crown fell out, so by the time I see the dentist for that, it will have been two weeks of chewing on one side and enduring all that. And this cold. I am wheezing like a BOSS. How many copays will it take to break my spirit?
Oh, YES! I have been reciting to myself (and others) DAILY my list of blessings, named and counted one by one, including health insurance, access to medical care, a job to earn money, the joy in my job, the safety in our travels, etc., but it has been such a different December than last December and I just hope I'm learning everything I need to learn from these experiences because if I don't get stronger pretty soon, these trials are going to kill me.
Of course, when I make it back to the fitness center, it's not like I'm going to be permitted to go at it really hard for 36 minutes. Oh no. I will have to build back up slowly.
I only took 17 pictures over the last 10 days during Christmas Vacation. Yep, not my usual jolly self.
I try to be positive most of the time, but you know what? Life is real and it's hard and there are difficulties and we sometimes whine. I would take this over cancer any day, but this is hard for me at this time. I know God can make it harder any time He chooses. The Refiner's Fire can always go up in temperature.
In other news, I figured out that I slept away from our home 22% of 2014. I slept away from our home 27% in 2013, but I hadn't been called as Stake Primary President yet. My husband always sleeps away from home more than I do because of his work. Still, he feels like we never go anywhere! :)
Bottom line is Heavenly Father can do what He wants with me. We heard a young boy sing a solo: Little Drummer Boy. It was so beautiful that I was reduced to tears. One line caught my attention like never before and I'm pretty sure I'd like to have it engraved on my headstone: I played my best for Him.
My goal for 2015 is to play my best for Him. I've not been asked to play the leading role of Mother. I have been asked to play Wife, Teacher, Stake Primary President (and more), so I hope I can play my best for Him in all those appointed roles.
So. Moving forward!