Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Today I Can Breathe a Little

A little.

I left the house crying on Saturday to head north in order to rendezvous with my husband. My thought as I locked the door was, "I hope I don't die because I would hate for anyone, including my husband, to see how trashed this house looks." I am forever robbing Peter to pay Paul. Examples follow.

My principal recently had a faculty meeting on a Tuesday to go over Evaluations. I mentioned I have this graduate level class at BYU on Tuesdays and asked if I should warn my professor I would be late. I was told I could skip the meeting and get to class on time by my administrator--very nice. Except...even though I asked other teachers about our responsibilities to prepare for the meeting yesterday, I was getting spotty information. It's incredible how two different teachers have two totally different impressions of what was said and what the actual requirements are. Amazing! It's like playing Telephone. So that kind of stuff stresses me out--not attending, not really hearing it for myself, and not really knowing exactly what was expected. I worry, worry, worry I'm going to be unprepared and lost a little...and after meeting with my admin yesterday, I feel I was. I have to sharpen that stuff up a little. I am behind.

I missed Friday morning at first time having a sub this year. So that means I had to make lesson plans for a sub...always grueling for me. And then I got back to school for Friday afternoon and have been way behind ever since. Our grade level gave each fifth grader four assessments on Friday. Guess what? I had SIX students absent! So that means I have to have 24 assessments made up on Monday (which goes into Tuesday...and yes, now it's Wednesday and we're still not caught up). One teammate said they don't worry about making up the spelling and reading assessments, just the math. And yet...our collaborative team, our PLC, is required to enter data by Monday each week on reading and math assessments. How do you enter data if you don't worry about giving the assessment? I'm so plagued by being thorough that it really bothers me to just throw data out when we've all agreed to submit it. My teammates say, "Just do the best you can, come as close as you can." But doesn't that skew the data? I mean we talk about the most missed question and what standard is represented by that question...and you don't care if I'm missing 6 out of 30 scores? I am trying so hard to do what is asked and yet I'm told not to worry about it and I don't really have to have that data. As you can tell, I'm such a black and white person when it comes to stuff like this and it's likely shortening my life. ;)

Anyway, I got home from Idaho on Sunday evening. On the way up on Saturday I drove through General Conference traffic and thunderstorms. On the way home on Sunday it was thunder, lightning, wind, rain, hail, and traffic. These are not pleasant drives where I listen to a relaxing audio book, you know? And my gas light came on in SLC, so I broke the Sabbath and purchased gas on 7200 South, which, I didn't realize before, is kind of place for homeless people. Lots of people were sitting around on curbs and walking under the freeway bridges and stuff like that. I had purchased gas on Saturday on my way up and thought I had plenty to make it home, but I cut it too close.

So then I woke up Monday morning, skipped my workout because I was feeling overwhelmed, having not corrected all of my assessments over the weekend. I emailed all eight of the ward Primary presidents asking them for times and locations of all their Cub Scout meetings because the stake presidency wants to know when our three church buildings are being used by which groups for which activities. One president responded (love you, 9th Ward!). I walked into my school crying Monday morning, trying to get a grip. I was resenting the time I spent going to a movie on Friday with some other teachers and I was resenting the time I spent to go to Idaho to visit my husband. It is so punishing to not spend your entire life at school keeping up! I have so much remorse if I don't keep up better. I was freaking out. So I hopped online to my evaluation website to prepare for that meeting with the principal, was reminded I was the moderator during an assembly that morning (ha! wish I would have thought to shower or wash my hair), and began correcting assessments so I could enter data for the team to look at that afternoon. Oh, and the tech guy was ready to trade out my old laptop for a new one, so here's hoping I backed everything up properly on my external hard drive...who knows??? You know what? I did not get my weekly note to parents typed up (still haven't) and we are not doing spelling this week. Also, the book orders were due on Friday and I still haven't submitted them online. Maybe today. through Monday and went to Costco to buy treats for my BYU class because it was my turn to take snacks yesterday. I decided to actually cook a decent meal for myself (an attempt to stay healthy) so I made cauliflower curry soup and a tuna fish sandwich with spinach on whole wheat bread. And then I remembered I hadn't done any homework yet this week (3 chapters to read plus some other assignments). Okay, but it was late so I went to bed knowing I would skip my workout again in order to do homework. Well, showering was my priority and I barely started my homework. I couldn't do it while teaching so I went to class last night, treats in tow, unprepared. So now I have more homework and I'd better get a handle on this before it spirals out of control. Anyway, Tuesday at school was better than Monday, and my meeting went okay with my admin, but my goal at this point isn't very measurable, so I need to firm that up. I love my students! They are a pleasure and they work hard!

Went to class, learned some cool stuff, came straight home, cleaned the kitchen (the dishes had really stacked up), talked to my husband, and boom, time for bed. Yes, I'm skipping my workout for a third day this morning because I had to put the dishes away and make an attempt at laundry. I told my husband last night, "I'm at a point where I think I can breathe." This is hysterical because I teach all day today, and have to leave a little early to make it to a medical appointment (because nobody schedules after 4:00 p.m. and I don't want to get another sub). After the appointment I have a "new" Primary president coming over to be trained except she's really been serving since June, but I haven't been able to meet up with her since June is when I live in Wyoming and...I feel so bad she's been neglected for so long without training (or even seeing her face you know?). And I advised her our meeting would end by 6:50 p.m. because I have an HOA meeting at 7 p.m. But today, I feel like I can BREATHE! And tomorrow is Round Table. And my husband wants me to skip Professional Development later this month so go on a trip with him for Fall Break, which I want to do, but I won't get paid if I don't attend and he wants to drive on the trip and then send me home on a plane so he can head to his Ranger Conference...and that will be more money and I won't be professionally developed which my admin said would be okay, but it's never really okay, because if I miss a meeting then for the REST of the school year when I'm in the dark about something my team says, "We did that when you were gone."

And the stake presidency wants our 2017 budget on Sunday at stake council. So I have a secretary for that. I sure hope she remembers to put everything in that document because I can't even begin to think about that. And I haven't seen my dad since last August 2015. And I know it has taken time to type this, but I needed a place to park it.


  1. I'm so sorry Jody! Wow. You are incredibly busy.

  2. *hugs* sometimes life is just a little to much, isn't it????

  3. Oh my, I feel for you...wish I could help somehow...