Monday, November 1, 2010

Eating Out with Full Confidence

I'm not that good at it. Once on a trip...perhaps we were in Nebraska?...we stopped at some fast food place and I tried to look at the menu and pretend that I knew what they offered and what I wanted, but I don't really go to fast food very frequently and so with full confidence I blurted out that I wanted a cup of chili and a side salad (because I like to put the chili over the salad--it reminds me of taco salad and seems less dangerous than most fast food selections) only to hear K inform me that we were at McDonald's, not Wendy's. Oh.

So...K is away--and yes, I do realize I just told everyone in the universe, but I am surrounded by people who would defend me if necessary--and he's been telling me all the fun places he's been going, so I decided to SPLURGE tonight and do something REALLY CRAZY, which I never do, like ORDER A PIZZA. I can't drive because of this cast and so I got to thinking that I DESERVED something like a splurge because I miss my K. Fourteen days apart from my darling husband! Four and a half weeks in a cast and no driving! Emotional Eating. Now there's something I'm experienced at. I had been toying with this splurging idea all day.

After getting a ride home from school, I toddled up the stairs in my lovely cast and WHAT did I behold taped to the doorknob? A flyer! With coupons! Coupons for pizza! But this was a pizza place I had never heard of. I felt wary. I did notice that you could get a medium two-topping pizza for $5.99. The ad said, "Call for Delivery." Well, I decided I'd better call the Other Place because that's who K uses when we order once or twice a year (usually during football season). When I called the Other Place, they asked if I would like to hear about Tonight's Specials. Well, of course! None of it sounded all that Special to me, so then, in order to do some comparison shopping, I asked about a medium pizza. With only one topping, tax, tip, delivery, warranty, and attorney fees, it came out to like thirteen bucks. Oh.

So then I called the Pizza Flyer Place. I told them right up front, with full confidence, that I had their ad in my hot little hands. I asked how much they were planning to charge for tax, tip, delivery, warranty, and attorney fees, and I even told the guy that I had already price-checked the Other Place. In the sweetest, most patient, teaching voice, the nice gentleman kindly explained to me that any pizza place would not be able to deliver anything unless the total bill was over ten dollars. They have to turn a profit. Oh.

Now I have to build up my confidence for lunch tomorrow. My whole team is taking a class together all year long. We always run away from the district office on these days and eat out somewhere, guessing how our students are doing with their substitutes. Although I survey the menu like everyone else and order, with full confidence, the server usually says something really bland to me like,"Okay." When other people order, the server says really flamboyant and congratulatory things like, "Excellent Choice!!!" "My personal favorite!" "That dish has been flying out of the kitchen all day today!" Oh.

Maybe someday I'll really catch on, but for now, I'm going to feast upon a peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich made with honey whole wheat bread which offers four grams of fiber per slice! I guess you could say that's my kind of splurge!


  1. That's hilarious! I didn't know that about pizza delivery either. Good luck tomorrow! Fake it 'till you make it!

  2. i don't eat out because i'm a picky eater. sometimes i order something that sounds SOOO delish and then find out that it just tastes gross/odd/icky/something in it that just turns me off. and then i've wasted all that money!
    so i end up doing the burger thing (bad for the waistline) and not satisfied with the taste buds. oh well, maybe we'll both learn some day!

  3. Jody,
    You forgot to mention that you order your cars over the phone too! My favorite it Papa Murphy's gourmet vegetarian. Mmmmmmmmmm.