I'm Not Very Good at Drinking

So one of the things I hear a lot about is women in my area drinking. I'm not talking about alcohol. I'm talking about the legal for minors stuff--sugar, caffeine, and carbonation. For years I've understood that my entire school district subsists primarily on Diet Coke. Well, everyone except me. And now there's this craze (I asked the relatives from the Midwest if there's a similar craze out there and they couldn't think of anything) to get certain drinks with certain flavors and if you get it a certain way it's called "dirty" and another way is called "jacked up" or possibly just "jacked." See? I don't even know what I'm talking about. So out of it.

Yeah, so I hear about "Happy Hour" at Sonic. I also hear about teachers going through the drive-thru at Sonic like at 6:00 a.m. or whatever (and stay-at-home moms later on) because the 367-ish ounce drink is "only $.99 at that time of day!" I don't know--I can't keep all of the wonderful details straight.

Then there's this place called Slurp. And another called Swig. And not only can you get a JACKED-UP-DIRTY-DIET-DR-PEPPER...you can also get some amazing sugar cookie with frosting to go with!

Let's not forget the usual places. For example, McDonald's lets you order any size of soda you wish and all of the sizes are the same price ($.99?) so of course, everyone gets the biggest one they possibly can because it's such a "deal." Some stop at Maverick, some stop at Holiday, and who knows where everyone else stops?

Such an industry! There's a soda machine in the faculty room and people bring their own cans and bottles from home. All the pregnant ladies talk about how they tried to give it up for their pregnancy but then they decided that going without it was MORE harmful to the baby than consuming it and their doctor said it was okay. And so forth.

My other opinion is that Mormons who choose to follow their religion are in a way limited in their chosen vices, so sugar is an easy thing to justify.

To be clear, I am not here to judge. A donut walks into the room and I eat it. I gobble up sugar in various forms. I have a life-long problem with overeating. But I am SO THANKFUL that I do not have this problem with sugary drinks. Honestly, my very favorite drink in the whole entire world is water. I love it so much!

The PTA has us fill out this little survey at the beginning of the year and it always asks for your favorite drink (because that's how most teachers make it through their day). I always write "water." But you know what? People can't STAND giving water as a gift. They give Gatorade or Powerade because they rationalize it's "the same as water?" Or they attach little mix-in powders (which I tried and can't stand--ah! the chemicals!). In other words, people don't believe me. So let me repeat: WATER is my favorite beverage in the entire world!!! I LOVE it SO much!!!

I have my father to thank for this. When I was young, there was some news report about cancer causing agents in carbonated beverages (who knows?) and my dad dumped all of the soda pop we had down the sink. When we went out to eat as a family (often since both parents worked--wasn't a special treat--to this day going out for my birthday isn't very special to me--but being with people I love IS special), Mom would always order coffee and Dad just let that go. But the rest of us? Water. That's it. On the way from the Suburban to the restaurant Dad would chant, "Girls, the only thing you can order to drink is water." Got it. And now I'm so grateful! I really don't like soda pop. When the relatives were here last week, we took them to JCW's for lunch and everyone ordered a soda except me. My MIL said, "You're so good!" I had to let her know, "I'm not being good. I just don't care for soda." And she exclaimed once again, "I know, but I don't understand it."

So the whole point I'm getting at is...we went to Sonic after the temple last night (K's idea). He ordered a cheeseburger with tots and a peanut butter fudge shake. It was 9:45 p.m. and he hadn't had dinner. I on the other hand CRASHED after school until he woke me up when he got home from work so I could change and get ready. I wolfed down a meat and cheese sandwich at 6:30 knowing it would literally be hours before I would have the chance to eat. I innocently asked, since the menu was in fine print on the driver's side, "Do they have salads?" He jabbed, "At a place like this? No, they don't." Nothing looked or sounded good to me, so I thought I would, you know, really go out on a limb and try to act grown up like all the other ladies. I did it. I ordered a Cherry Lime! Didn't really know what I was getting myself into, but it turns out it's just lemon-lime soda with cherry and lime flavors mixed in. And you know what? It wasn't anything to write home about. I shared it with K.

Well, you're never going to believe this (if you're even still reading), but today after trips to Lowe's and Costco, the mister asked about the place called Slurp. I was incredulous. He said he was super thirsty and wanted to try it. There was a long, LONG line at the drive-thru, but we persevered and because I just don't know what I'm doing at places like this, and because we've been living so wildly this weekend, throwing all caution to the wind, I ordered a...wait for it...a Cherry Lime! It was better than Sonic's, but in the end, it's just a drink. Shared that one with K as well!

I think I'm done with all the peer pressure and experimentation. I have other nutrition habits to which I must attend. I'm going to have to live as a beverage nerd for the remainder of my life. Oh, the friendships that could flourish if only I could be more normal! Thanks for inviting me to go on a "drink run" with you, but I guess I'll just stay here saving calories and pennies. So boring.