My Slow, Methodical, Thorough Self

I am my own worst critic.

I frequently fall into that trap of comparing myself to others in all ways and automatically assume I'm failing. Last place. From where does this nonsense stem?

But in the last week, four things have happened to let me know I'm not so bad after all. My thoroughness, sometimes a vice, has been my virtue lately. This is not bragging. This is self-validation.

Our students do this thing called Hope of America. There's a new way for parents to register their children online. It's a bit new for the teachers as well. I was asked to bring my laptop to lunch one day for a mini-tutorial. I refused. I like to play nice, but two things: I NEVER bring my laptop to lunch. NEVER. First of all, it would get messy. I've had people accidentally lose control of their food and it's ended up on me. I've seen spills. I don't want my laptop to suffer the damage. Secondly, one of our negotiated contract items is a 30 minute DUTY FREE lunch. I am often doing teacher duty on lunch. I walk back to my classroom if the office buzzes into the faculty room to tell me that a student is being checked out and needs to get their backpack. I copy papers because I can't find another minute to do it. Just don't ask me to bring my laptop to lunch. I can inhale my food and move on to the next thing, it's just that I refuse to bring my laptop to lunch. So I didn't. And my team all registered. And then we kept hearing of all the glitches. And we had to wait. And finally I was able to register. But you know what? I'm glad I didn't rush into it that day at lunch, because by waiting, I saved myself some trouble as others ironed out all those wrinkles. And I didn't miss any deadlines (15 February! Why are we in such a rush?). And yet, I feel like people stare at me and wonder why I'm not getting right on it! I sometimes torment myself, "Last! Why are you always the last one to do these things?" What I need to tell myself is, "You're still on time! You have not missed a deadline!"

So we had this evacuation drill at school. First one ever. We were well-prepared by our administrators. We were advised to bring our emergency buckets. We were told how to walk on the sidewalk. We were told not to block traffic at the crosswalks for too long. The parents were informed in advance. The children were informed. We were assigned specific entrances per grade level at a nearby church. We were assigned a particular room and place in the room to sit. Everything was very orderly and so well planned. My class ended up being the last class to get into the building because our classroom is geographically the farthest away from the church. And yet, when we entered, there was a little jam up through the doors because another teacher had taken her class the wrong way, was redirected, and through all of this, caused a delay. I later heard her say, "You know, I never looked at the map. I just figured I could follow the crowd and get where we needed to go." This is the opposite of Jody. This is quite opposite of dutiful, prepared, obedient Jody who takes these things seriously. This was also enlightening because we thorough types sort of assume that everyone else is on the same page and listening to our administrators too. I guess all my ranger training has taught me that when you're in charge of a group of people, especially children, you're actually responsible for their well-being and...safety first...and preparedness! I just can't allow myself to blow these things off.

We have a new way of scheduling parent teacher conferences. Someone held our hands and walked us through the process last fall. This time, we had to do it on our own. But we were emailed a tutorial. So you know what I did? I actually READ the tutorial. Can you believe it? I'm that nerdtastic! I shouldn't admit this, but I actually, um, printed the tutorial off (hangs head in shame for wasting paper), because I wanted to be successful and set things up properly. Of course, I didn't do it at lunch last Friday when everybody else did (the whole laptop thing), but I still did it in plenty of time (conferences were more than two weeks away!). Yesterday afternoon, the secretary called me and said, "YOU! Are getting a candy bar! Because YOU and ONE OTHER TEACHER set your parent teacher conferences up correctly! Everyone else has messed up!" Now, I don't know if she was just saying that or if there really are only two of us who were successful, but when she told me the name of the other teacher I remembered that teacher saying she had used the tutorial. Everyone else was just going by intuition and I guess that didn't work. I did hear one teacher say her parents were double booking their appointments (2 parents scheduled at 5:30 on the same day!). After I did set mine up, I asked a parent to schedule and then email me to let me know it was working properly. See? I'm that kind of thorough. I can't help it. I'm in the business of trying to prevent disasters I guess. After hearing back from that parent, I sent an email to all of the parents letting them know it was open for scheduling (as well as a remind.com message because...double-cover...Jody is thorough). Yes, it takes time to live this way and others simply cannot handle the thought, but you know what, I think the time thing evens out because I see people re-doing things that could have/should have been done properly the first time. Case in point...

We have to do this writing assessment. We did it in August and now again in January. We spent hours in the fall with our administrators locked in the conference room with computers sharing a google doc on the big screen creating yet another writing rubric (so many rubrics!). I remember when this one was finalized because our team had been using a similar one previously which my students had, IN A SHEET PROTECTOR, in their red writing folders. After finalizing this business of a latest and greatest rubric, I copied it on gold paper and made a big production of having my class take the old ones out, ripping them in half, and putting them in recycling. We even did it for the people that were absent that day. And ever since then, I've been calling it "our golden writing rubric." I've been teaching off it, the kids have been assessing their own writing using it, and they've even been assessing their classmates' writing. Someone copied a rubric for us to use as we score this latest writing sample and you know what? It was an old rubric. The wrong one. And questions started coming about how many points were possible. And I was perplexed. Because there are 48 points possible. Just like last time. So I showed the latest and greatest rubric to clarify and then volunteered to copy that one, the correct one, for everyone. Because...that's the one we're supposed to be using!!! And why is there this confusion? I feel like I go to great lengths to comply, obey, execute, and do my duty only to learn that other folks are just kind of doing whatever (it's not really so careless as I'm making it sound). And I'm just baffled. HOW and WHY did I get to be so...thorough? I'm sure it's because my parents set high expectations for us, "Girls, I want this car to look so clean it could be sitting in a showroom at the dealership!" No wonder I feel like I can't get anything done. It's because I'm actually doing all the stuff I'm asked to do! Other people kind of pick and choose what they're going to do and not worry about it, but if I did that, I'm absolutely certain I would blow off the wrong things. And then I would be in big trouble. So I don't. I continue to be slow. Last place. But at least I'm thorough.

A Birthday! A Birthday!

A few things (most things?) have not turned out the way I had always planned prior to being married. I thought our home would feature children. At least one child. But no. I thought I would DO all kinds of things...GET to do all kinds of things as a wife and a mother. But no. I thought I would plan and plan for days and ways to celebrate my husband's birthday, making everything just perfect for him including his favorite homemade meal and cake from scratch. I thought there would be elements of surprise and anticipation. I thought I would share my Jody soul by thinking of him and pleasing him. But no. Oh no. No, The Ranger likes to do his own birthday. And so I let him. In the early years of our marriage, most of my attempts got returned to the store or shut down or looked at with confusion, possibly dismay. So I have just stopped worrying about his birthday. It happens automatically.

One example of a "failed" attempt: For his 40th birthday, I contacted all the family and friends I could think of to write a letter to K to put into a binder so that he could enjoy the sentiments and thoughts of those important people in his life. I knew that throwing a surprise party would not be a happy occasion for him, so I went the letter route instead suspecting it would be more low-key and private. Went over like a lead balloon. He was not particularly thrilled with this gesture. It wasn't his love language.

Once again, it's his birth month and I haven't done a thing. I haven't even looked at birthday cards. Here's a list of his "celebrations" so far: We were in SLC and had the chance to eat at The Roof restaurant. All in the name of his birthday coming up. So that was the kickoff. He needed to see the latest Star Wars movie, so he did that by himself after school one day. Instant Pot was not brought by Santa, but fortunately, someone has a birthday within 30 days of Santa's arrival, so he made sure Instant Pot was ordered through Amazon. Temple session! Family names! Went to the high school basketball game. Saw another movie (I got to go this time). Ate at Olive Garden. Shopped for an ice cream cake at Cold Stone (ate ice cream there, brought a quart of ice cream home, but did not purchase an ice cream cake). Requested Swiss Steak for one meal and Lasagna for another (does anyone else get to request TWO homemade birthday dinners and not think they are pushing it a little? Or eat out twice for their birthday??). Yep, every year he gets 4 birthday dinners--two at restaurants and two at home. Purchased three types of cake at the grocery store bakery to sample various flavors (has rejected the idea of a homemade cake, but honestly, it was probably to spare me the time and trouble, he's very sweet in that way). Side note: he looked at all the Costco cakes, but decided to go a different route! Cake! FROSTING! And he bought a half gallon of ice cream at the grocery store as well. Going to the Jazz game. Purchasing a new Jazz t-shirt. Bought two new suits--blue and charcoal (which could double for my birthday because I've been trying to get him into a suit for 13 years and finally, he just walked into a store, got measured, and did it, so Happy Birthday to ME! Surprise!!! The sales clerk was smooth as butter and involved both of us in all the decisions). Almost forgot...Daylight Donuts and Chocolate Milk TWO mornings in a row!

I just smile and allow him to continue. I just let him do what he wants (not that I'm in charge or have ever tried to control him). It's his birthday! I watch...and marvel. Please note, we're only half way through the month!

My birthdays are a little different. Coming from a family that has hardly remembered my birthdays, most notably missing my 7th and my 16th, and most of my adult birthdays (parents too busy to celebrate on a schedule), I'm pretty much pleased with anything. I watch all the teachers on our faculty who have birthdays during the school year and how their students and room parents go all out and I...just can't comprehend all the attention received...because no such thing has happened to me by having a summer birthday. Colleagues have suggested that I simply tell my class my birthday is during a school month so I can enjoy the gifts. It's just not me to do something so contrived. Last time I got a sweet card (he's really good at cards) and he took me to the breakfast buffet at Old Faithful Inn before heading off to work. And I was happy and satisfied with such a celebration.

All in all, every day's a holiday with my husband, and every meal's a banquet. I love him so much and am truly thankful for our temple marriage and all the things we've learned and all the fun we've had. I just can't believe how much birthday happens in January!

By the way, the above "real us" photo was a selfie on the ferry in British Columbia (through the islands) in November 2017. We were the only passengers out on the deck.